usadeepsouth.com
A Word from Miz Chili Pepper
by Beth Boswell Jacks
Not long ago I wrote a USADEEPSOUTH article in which I reminded fashion conscious women that proper etiquette dictates NO diamonds or other precious jewels should be worn during daylight hours. I received quite a few comments, mostly from folks who had never heard of such a thing. Well, they obviously didn't take home economics in the eighth grade under the tutelage of Mrs. Moses and Mrs. Peacock. No wonder they never learned the Jewelry Laws.
But the unenlightened were joined by a few readers like my childhood pal Ann. She sat by me in home ec class and should have retained such important knowledge, but she responded to that column by writing: "Hey, where was I? Baking biscuits? I don't remember that."
I guess Ann was hem-stitching her purple apron. I don't know. I didn't dream up that aesthetic edict; I may exaggerate every now and then, but I never fib except when I must.
Because of the wild success of that column and its educational value, I've kept an eye open for other tidbits of fashion news I can pass along to appreciative readers. This morning I read something info-rich in the Miss Manners column and thought: Yes! This will go out to Snippets World immediately.
And what would that info be? Just this: We women can't wear red or white or black to weddings. That's correct.
I knew black was taboo for joyous occasions. Black is too closely associated with mourning, although I think we've all decided we can wear black any ol' time we want, especially when we need to project the illusion we've shed a few pounds. Or when we don't have another thing we can wiggle into and top with a string of pearls.
I also knew white was out. Can't compete with the bride, you know. Then again, one of the most popular trends in recent years has been for bridesmaids to wear cream or white. If the bride's girlfriends can promenade down to the front of the church looking like the bride, why can't we guests? No good reason really, except we know what white does to us; we look pasty and our pantyhose line shows. Yeah, let's forget white.
But red? What's the problem? Too flashy, maybe, as in, "Hey, don't look at the bride; look at ME. I am one decked-out floozie!"
And remember, red is associated with scarlet women, chili peppers, and traffic lights (STOP!)--none of which we want to think about at weddings.
Several years ago I made a roadtrip to the northeast corner of Tennessee with two longtime friends to attend a wedding. As we cruised the miles, we three gabbed nonstop, discussing lots and lots of things, including an analyzation of why we dress the way we dress.
Friend #1 admitted she dressed to please men, sort of Sweet Potato Queenish. Friend #2 claimed she dressed to please women, a la Katie Couric. And me? We decided I dress to please me--Janet Reno, maybe.
(Give me loose and comfy. I avoid anything scratching, binding, or choking. I figure if God had wanted us in uncomfortable clothes, he'd have vetoed the fig leaves and put Adam and Eve in corn shucks.)
Yep, on that jaunt to the mountains of Tennessee we three women talked about everything under the sun . . . almost. Too late now, I discover my fashionable friends failed to pass on some really important information -- like about not wearing red, black, and white to weddings.
Wouldn't have mattered though. You may think I'm fashion savvy 'cause of my pressed jeans and my vast knowledge of proper etiquette, but I was smart enough to realize the men at that wedding were all looking at Friend #1 and the women were all eyeing Friend #2. Nobody was giving me a second glance as I led our threesome down the aisle in my little black suit, low-heeled shoes, flashy red scarf and, why sure, pearls.
Fashion sense is elementary, my dears. Hang around with folks who dress to please other people, let all the attention go to them, and, quite literally, you can pretty well suit yourself.
Beth Boswell Jacks is the editor of USADEEPSOUTH.COM. Her stories and poems have been published in a number of magazines, and she is the author of GRIT, GUTS, AND BASEBALL. Beth is also a freelance newspaper columnist in several southern states. She has published many of her columns in two new books titled SNIPPETS I and II. Contact her at BethJacks@hotmail.com
~~~~~
Read about Beth's SNIPPETS books -- two collections of her columns.
Back to top
Back to USADEEPSOUTH index page